New Beginnings
This August, I started my first semester of grad school! It’s something I contemplated ever since I started making a series of positive changes to my way of living with the help of an incredible therapist five years ago. Since then, I moved out of my abusive parents’ house, began my first ever healthy relationship, worked my way through addiction, said goodbye to my toxic tech life, experienced the roller coaster of teaching at a Title I elementary school in the city, AND now I’m studying to become a therapist 🙂 Thank you, Kiki, for challenging me to do more than rot in complacency.
So far, school has been a lot to adjust to…night classes, lots of reading, tons of new faces, and my first time attending a private school! I’ve gone back and forth many times on whether this is the right program for me. It feels pretty crazy to spend 12k per semester for 3 years, which comes out to a grand per week of classes. I initially rationalized it by thinking that people spend more than that on a Tesla, and nobody can firebomb my master’s degree. Right?!
I do feel grateful that I get to be a student of my own accord. Right now, I’m taking 3 classes: Counseling Across Cultures, Theories of Counseling, and Law & Ethics.
The Cultures class is the most relaxed; we get ~10 minutes of lecture because our professor doesn’t like to lecture, and the rest of class is experiential learning (mostly in dyads doing role-plays). In one of our first classes, we were asked to assess our discussion partner’s resting affect – my partner deemed me as relaxed, joyful, and curious, whereas I told her that she is calculating, pensive, and thoughtful. Then we had to act as if we were the other person, which resulted in a wave of giggles throughout the class. Finally, we had to challenge ourselves to act the “opposite” of our resting affect. For me, I had to act serious and somewhat detached, which I struggled with. I could see the value of the exercise because it would be inappropriate for me to always be my smiley self as a therapist – what if I have to hold space for a client to grieve?
My Law & Ethics class is more straightforward, though my professor puts in good effort to make it somewhat entertaining. I appreciate her for that. She sprinkles in crazy anecdotes about her experiences working in prisons and schools throughout the Bay Area. She specializes in trauma, is pursuing her PhD in sex therapy, and seems to have worked every job in the helping professions category. Her favorite job was working at a high school because of rallies, school spirit, and all that jazz. Plus summers off! Sounded convincing enough to me. She repeatedly tells us to “listen to and take care of our nervous system,” which I’ve really taken to heart. She brings in a giant bag of fidget toys to every class, and she reassures us that it’s her teenager’s duty to sanitize every one of them after class. I think she does a fantastic job at making the class feel like a safe and nurturing space.
Getting Eepy… 😴
My final class of the week is Thursday 7-10pm and I usually check out halfway through because I AM A MORNING PERSON! I’ve been awake for 12 hours by the time this class starts. I chew gum to keep my head up. It’s also a class that I’ve taken before (Theories), and I can’t say I’ve ever enjoyed it. We cover one theory per week in a traditional lecture format, and after the lecture, we watch a 20-minute video of the theory being practiced by some white dude. Then we debrief it as a class. I’m not sure if or how my professor could make this class more interesting. He’s quite serious, which I find hard to relate to. I also don’t know much about him, unlike my other professors who are quite good at being vulnerable with us.
**I ended up giving this professor feedback on diversifying our learning materials and he appreciated it!
After class, I’m always happy to come home to my partner. My classmate refers to our post-class routine it as “data downloading”. My sleep schedule has been pushed to later than I like, because sometimes it’s a lot to process. I’m always thrilled to be able to sleep until 8am on Fridays and Saturdays!
Maintaining Balance 🧘🏻♀️
How am I staying balanced through all of this? Some counseling psychology programs require students to see a therapist regularly for the duration of the program. Mine does not, but I started seeing a therapist through CAPS (Counseling and Psychological Services) anyway, because it’s included in my tuition, and I historically have struggled with transitions. I also go to a DBT group therapy session weekly. I feel pretty good day to day, but it’s always nice to have additional support.
Routine-wise, everything else has stayed mostly the same. I meditate and stretch first thing every morning. My partner and I run, lift weights, and go to a dance class twice a week. I meet my mentor on Wednesdays to catch up and help him with an exciting project he’s working on for the Parkinson’s community. On Fridays, I practice yoga at HAUM and reflect on my week. Weekends are for chores, spending quality time with friends, and hopefully getting a dose of nature whether it’s a local hike or camping getaway. I planned a winter break trip to Vietnam as my proverbial carrot at the end of the stick.
Maintaining Presence
My overall goal for this program is to embrace the challenges and enjoy the journey as much as possible. All too often, my mind grasps for something in the future: “I can’t wait to be a licensed therapist…” but when am I ever going to be exactly here again? I don’t want this to be yet another life experience that I anguish through but reflect on with fondness.
All in all, I feel like I’m in the right place 🙂